behind the false truth

Web Design 2 [final project-redesign)

2009-11-05T18:47:00.002+08:00

http://www.aaronoo.freehostia.com/home.html

potraits

2009-10-20T11:07:00.005+08:00

2009-10-20T10:50:00.003+08:00

2009-08-09T05:10:00.001+08:00

You could see me reaching
So why couldnt you have
Met me halfway
You could see me bleeding
But you could not put
Pressure on the wound
You only think about yourself
You only think about yourself
Youd better bend before I go
On the first train to mexico

You could see me breathing
But you still kept
Your hand over my mouth
You could feel me seething
But you just turned
Your nose up in the air

You only think about yourself
You only think about yourself
Youd better bend before I go
On the first train to mexico

You only think about yourself
You only think about yourself
Youd better bend before I go
On the first train to mexico

2009-06-02T23:27:00.004+08:00

1.how to eat 60 hot dogs in 12 mins
2.how to rob a bank
3.how to unleash your inner monster

3.how to be an assasin

mood board

2009-05-29T12:13:00.000+08:00

chino.deftones

2009-05-20T07:16:00.000+08:00

fist time ever trying out digital painting of chino from deftones, didn't turn out too bad ;D

cd.cover/ smashing pumpkins / adore

2009-04-09T11:10:00.006+08:00

Story Of My Life

2009-03-26T16:19:00.003+08:00

who am i?

why am i here?

what do i do?

This is the story of my life, where the sun always rises too soon, and the alarm is too loud

By this time, i'm already late,but it's okay i've been late all my life, im used to it, in fact im expected to be late.

Long and lonely walk, i wish i could drive, but i wasnt allowed to take the driving test due to my abnormal head, but it's okay i like to smell the fresh smell of carbon monoxide to start my day anyways.

If you think black's cant hail a cab, imagine what it's like for a paperbagface boy.

It's lunch time, I spend them alone, wish i didnt have to eat alone all the time, wish I had some friends , some one to love, some one talk and laugh with, I would share my chicken rice with you if you were my friend, I promise.

Seriously I feel so lonely, I'm watching a comedy movie, but I'm crying.

Fuck this life I, cant take it anymore, if no one like's me then ill change me, I'm going to design a new me, a better me!

This is the new me, sleeker, sexier and more stylish me, sigh who am I kidding no matter how i change my looks, I'm still me, no one will ever like me, I should just die. farewell cruel world

credits. I'd like to thank all my friends that are big parts of my inspiration a lot of times by being the idiots you guys are most of the time, thanks for being fucked up and doing it around me ;D

special thanks to :
Tee Tze Hoe for inspiring me to do this piece hope you liked it, as much as I enjoyed doing it LoL.
check it out here :http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=6513453&id=882380174

Chen Wei Nye, for being the photographer in all the pics ;] and for being there all the other times, you make life worth while.

Flash Animation

2009-03-26T16:16:00.001+08:00

Typography Paper Bag Design

2009-03-26T15:45:00.003+08:00

2009-03-24T06:58:00.001+08:00

to: zero-zero nine

2009-01-01T05:56:00.003+08:00

The break of a new dawn once again, let this new light wash upon us, will it open our eyes this time? Shall we make amends today? This is the new beginning, once again, what will I make of it this time? Will I feel the same, will I feel nothing? No, I sense a change. But then again. I've said it more then once before. But still, I believe, I believe in you and I believe in me. Let us gather ourselves again. Together we will share our light and break the darkness that has long and relentlessly haunted us, and when it's bright enough, maybe we'll finally find our way again, find our path that we've been led so far away from.

The journey is a long and tedious one,so stay close and don't lose me in the dark. Although all we have is a mere matchstick now, dim and unconvincing, but we shall burn as we go on, our flame will build and grow , bigger , brighter more brilliant.

I've often found myself burnt out and wanting, but you've given me the fuel to keep on burning, to keep going, to keep growing. You've strike the match and I watch it burn, the flame grows in me and burns the darkness of my disease, I feel better off, cleaner , stronger, motivated.

you're my flame, you burn me and burn away all the unwanted, you keep me warm on the coldest nights and light the way on the darkest hours, I feel propelled, optimistic, i want to turn the corner, see the next page and smell tomorrow's air, you make me wanna.

i hope i can, build the same flame in your as you've so gasoline soaked and ignited my heart

2008-11-27T08:34:00.000+08:00

june's addictions

2008-10-29T23:14:00.005+08:00

2008-07-25T13:39:00.002+08:00

2008-07-14T02:10:00.006+08:00

home page

2008-07-14T00:37:00.000+08:00

home page

home page mouse over

loading pages

2008-07-03T15:15:00.003+08:00

which one is more appealing to you?

alice in wonderland

2008-06-15T00:59:00.003+08:00

so my 2nd project is gonna be based on Alice In Wonderland, here are some fun facts about it.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (1865) is a surreal work of literary nonsense written by English author Charles Lutwidge Dodgson under the pseudonym Lewis Carroll, considered a classic example of the genre and of English literature in general.[1] It tells the story of a girl named Alice who falls down a rabbit-hole into a fantastic realm populated by peculiar and anthropomorphic creatures.

The tale is filled with allusions to Dodgson's friends (and enemies), and to the lessons that British schoolchildren were expected to memorize. The tale plays with logic in ways that have made the story of lasting popularity with adults as well as children. It is considered to be one of the most characteristic examples of the genre of literary nonsense, and its narrative course and structure has been enormously influential, mainly in the fantasy genre

quotes:

* From Lewis Carroll's 1865 novel, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland:

"Please, would you tell me," said Alice, a little timidly, ... "why your cat grins like that?"
"It's a Cheshire cat," said the Duchess, "and that's why."

* "But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "otherwise you wouldn't have come here."
Alice didn't think that proved it at all: however she went on. "And how do you know that you're mad?"
"To begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. You grant that?"
"I suppose so," said Alice
"Well, then, " the Cat went on, "you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad."

* "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don't much care where –" said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"– so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

i-corns

2008-06-04T10:10:00.003+08:00

(background sketch)

tell me, what's this icon intended for? thx =]

will upload more on a later date, as i get more done

color pallets

2008-06-02T07:43:00.005+08:00

fantasy(references )

2008-05-21T07:46:00.002+08:00

the gift

2008-04-05T22:18:00.001+08:00

Hold me now I need to feel relief
Like I never wanted anything
I suppose I'll let this go and find a reason I'll hold on to
I'm so ashamed of defeat
And I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm out of trying to get by

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the path I'm living on
I'm right on the wrong side of it all

I can't face myself when I wake up
And look inside a mirror
I'm so ashamed of that thing
I suppose I'll let it go
Until I have something more to say for me
I'm so afraid of defeat
And I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm out of trying to defy

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the path I'm living on
I'm right on the wrong side of it all

Hold me now I need to feel complete
Like I matter to the one i need

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the path living on
I'm right on the wrong side of it all

Now I'm ashamed of this
I am so ashamed of this
Now I'm so ashamed of me
I am so ashamed of me...

unknown

2008-03-20T06:38:00.000+08:00

this doubt is screaming in my face
in this familiar place,
sheltered and concealed
and if this night won't let me rest
don't let me second guess
what i know to be real put away
all i know for tonight and maybe i just might learn
to let it go take my security from me
and maybe finally i won't have to know everything
i am falling into grace to the unknown to where you are
and faith makes everybody scared it's the unknown,
the don't-know that keeps me hanging on
to you i got nothing left to defend
i cannot pretend that everything makes sense
but does it really matter now if i do not know how
to figure this thing out
i am falling into grace to the unknown to where you are
and faith makes everybody scared it's the unknown,
the don't-know that keeps me hanging on
to you i am against myself again trying to fit
these pieces in walking on a cloud of dust to get to you

I seem..

2008-02-28T04:22:00.002+08:00

to have cease to exist in cyberspace. How interesting, no more digital baths, pardon me i'll never be the same again

crestfallen

2008-02-14T05:44:00.004+08:00

Who am I to need you when I'm down
Where are you when I need you around
Your life is not your own

And all I ask you
Is for another chance
Another way around you
To live by circumstance, once again

Who am I to need you now
To ask you why to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me

And you may go, but I know you won't leave
Too many years built into memories
Your life is not your own

Who am I to need you now
To ask you why to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me

Who am I to you?
Along the way
I lost my faith

And as you were, you'll be again
To mold like clay, to break like dirt
To tear me uo in your sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me
You were never meant to belong to me
You were never meant to belong to me

Who am I?

fine again

2008-01-20T17:48:00.000+08:00

It seems like every day’s the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well

I feel the dream in me expire
and there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
‘cause I can’t seem to get this through
You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late; just as well

And I’m not scared now.
I must assure you,
you’re never gonna get away
And I’m not scared now.
And I’m not scared now. No…

I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well
I am prepared now,
seems everything’s gonna be fine for me
For me; for myself.
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself

words by - Seether

another late night

2008-01-20T17:16:00.000+08:00

enchanting, melodic of both low and high tempo mix of zero 7's fav songs by artists we never knew existed. love this album it's like a long journey of acoustic adventure the 1st track links right into the 2nd and so on so forth it never feels like the song ever changed it seems like just one long song.=]] i don't believe its possible to find this album here so yeah in this case i'd say download it cause it's brilliant.

i just found out this is just one of a series of mixes by famos artists or bands of their fav songs called Late Night Tales so we know what inspires them and stuff, cool. Ill check out what other artists i listen to has done a Late Night Tales mix too =D

no ordinary love.

2008-01-14T04:11:00.000+08:00

currently listening to: Deftones

Sigh, I'm at it once again. Actually it's gettin worst this time I went to bed at 11 something and woke up at 3, idiotic. So all I've resorted to doing now is loop this Deftones song i seem to be addicted to lately, 'No ordinary love' and Smashing Pumpkin's Mayonnaise. Contrarily to what you might think, no this post won't involve anything to do with love or at least me and what I have to say about love, despite of the title.

What's making things worst is my Live Messenger seemed to have really fucked up, it keeps crashing, why can't i bloody sleep through the night like a normal person.This is stupid, hungry with nothing to eat, bored with nothing to do and lonely with no company, bravo. Ahh but I'd argue too that the silence of the night has always been my best company along with my thoughts and my songs, but I'd really much rather be asleep now.

Hmm I guess I'll just try to fix my bloody Live Messenger and watch a Movie or 2 and hopefully i'll be sleepy by then. Great its 4.30 now it'd be sunrise by the time I sleep i reckon. This is getting old, ranting about not being able to sleep for the 3rd night in a row.

lazysaturdays

2008-01-12T18:07:00.000+08:00

currently listening to: Cinematic Orchestra

I hate saturdays with no purpose, it's like traveling on an unknown highway, so long and draggy with no directions and unknown destinations. As a matter of fact just writing about it is stupid i feel.

So i'm gonna find something to do now, probably gonna grab a bite first off. Owh i've added a music player to my blog which i've not done in a long long time, I used to have it to share what I'm listening to, after all music is for sharing right, then i got tired of it and then now i'm back at it again. It's currently playing Channel One Suite by Cinematic Orchestra(i actually listen to the zero 7 remix of it, this is the original i cant find the zero 7 one online,but it's just as good anyways, awsome song) just in case you're wondering =B

taintedlove

2008-01-12T06:21:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
I've lost my lights
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love

Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
You think love is to pray
I'm sorry I don't pray that way

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love

Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love

friend of the night

2008-01-11T04:02:00.000+08:00

currently listening to: Mogwai, Stray's don't sleep , Underoath

Tonite, tonite, tonite I better myself from last night. Since waking up at 5am last night, or morning technically if you'd like, i decided I didn't want to sleep in the afternoon so I'd be super tired by the time darkness falls and I'd sleep through the night and wake up the next morning like I was suppose to. Great plan, yes. Didn't come close to working I slept at 1030 and now I'm awake at 4am!! four effing a.

I mean, 4 or 5 is such an absurd time to wake up at, It's too early for anything and too late for everything at the same time, too early for breakfast even and too late for anything like, all I can get on Tv now is white noise, maybe I should stare at it for long hours? To see if the afterlife can really contact or connect to the real world via untuned frequency's ahh what the heck I don't even believe in the afterlife to begin with.

Hmm i've suddenly stumbled upon a song in my itunes which I never noticed was there before much, and it's so sad, if I'm not mistaken it should be miss chwizzle that sent me this one, Stray's don't sleep - for blue skies. Gosh this guy such a detached way of singing listening to this song it feels like hope is lost. I'm starting to notice a lot of songs on my list that i didn't pay that much attention to really.

Speaking of which the one thing I've really felt deprived of ever since I moved to KL is the company to discuss music with! It's like impossible to find anyone that listens to the same stuff as me in coll! If you happen to be in The One Academy and you listen to the likes of , A perfect circle , deftones , smashing pumpkins , silverchair or anything remotely similar Holla at me heck it doesn't even matter what coll you're in if you even listen to alternative stuffs Hello! =D

ahh suddenly i feel kinda sleepy. I'm gonna hop back into bed before I lose it. nites, or rather morning, pick or choose take or lose

before the sun rises

2008-01-10T07:20:00.001+08:00

currently listening to : Alien Ant Farm

I went to bed at 1.30 today with thoughts of waking up earlier then i normally do, i got more then i bargained for though. I woke up at 5am , which does happen, i'm the kind of person that wakes up 3 to 4 times before i get out of bed so normally when i wake up at 5 it's a no brainer, i just close my eyes and go right back to sleep. Strangely i'm too awake to go back to sleep this time, i start noticing the humming of my air conditioner and the buzzing of the florescent light outside my room, don't ask me how i can hear it , i probably have keen sense of hearing, which is why i happen to eves drop on people around me where ever i go, i'm always the one that seem to know things that people didn't tell me about, I'm sorry it's not intentional it's an accident by condition if you would like, although i must say it's very interesting to tune into people's conversations, I seem to be able to tell quite a bit about someone just by listening to a few things they say, but this is also the reason why I can't or at least i find it very hard to work in public places without my ipod, i get distracted by my surrounding's far too easily, so i have to block out the world, i escape into a world where i'm alone with my music, it helps me focus. People ask me how can you work with so much noise? I say it's much nosier for me without my music, I notice too much noise around me, hmm which begs me to ponder do i have ADD(attention deficit disorder)? But it doesn't matter i know my cure it's my tunes, my company through my thicks and thins. Which is why i'm sad that my ipod seems to be breaking down, well it HAS been 5 years since i got it so i guess it's understandable, hence i'm saving up to get a new Ipod as soon as possible, but saving is yet another weakness i have, sad to say.

So anyway back to where i started, since i can't sleep i thought i'd just get up and read some stuffs online like i always do,so i went out and made myself a cup of coffee(my room leads right into the kitchen, for those of you that knows Darryl, yeah my room is just like his in penang), we have a water dispenser machine that has hot and cold water, real handy right? Well i made too much of it this time, as i was gonna make my cup of coffee i thought to myself 'why not make a cold one?' so what i did was fill about 1/5'th of the cup with hot water just enough to dissolve the coffee with, and then the rest with cold water, what happen was that it didn't turn out like i wanted it to, the cold water didn't seem to be cold enough so it just ended up to be a cup of room temperature coffee and it tasted like shit, see coffee is a beverage that should only be drank either cold or hot, it tastes horrible at room temperature like how coke tastes horrible at room temperature. So i just took my cup of less then perfect coffee into my room and sat it down beside my comp, opened my browser and started tabbing out the usual sites i visit, read up on some football news (man city is getting Mancini from Roma? wtf), then i noticed my youtube vid of Alien Ant Farm's attitude was still there so i just played it again for the i don't know must be 10'th time for the day, then it hit me i haven't heard any new songs from them in awhile so i went and find out if they were putting out a new album soon, was devastated to learn they have now unofficially broke up, 2 of it's members went to college so there won't be any new materials from them anytime soon if ever. They were a great band it'll be sad if they never come back but who knows Smashing Pumpkins came back after 7 years since they disband right? I'm starting to feel i write with too much details, but thats the way I am I guess, always noticing the small simple things so it makes senses i guess that i like including small simple details when i write.

gosh this was meant to be an introduction of what i really wanted to write about it seem to have turned into a full out entry by itself. So i think ill just end this post here and write on a separate entry, since it'd be far to heavy of a read at one go. =]

Maybe I act on confused behavior
Maybe waves crash like semi trailer
Maybe Ill spend my off time without you
It seems like we need our own space

And all the time I wasted away
I dont feel good unless you stay
And all the times I chased you away
Simply to catch back up with

Your solitude is welcome
Your attitude is welcome

All you see is red lights behind me
Maybe this isnt what you wanted baby
I dont blame you falling backwards
No ones ever quite confused you this way

And all this time we wasted away
We dont feel good unless were gray
And all the times I chased you away
I simply dont feel good

Your solitude is welcome
Your attitude is welcome

All this time, we heard alarms
Come to find, we fell apart
This whole thing has crashed down, crashed down
All this time, we heard alarms

Your solitude is welcome
Your attitude is welcome

You are welcome

before the sun rises part.2

2008-01-10T05:52:00.000+08:00

currently listening to : zero 7

It's kind of ironic to call this before the sun rises part 2 because by now it's already 7.30 and the sun has well and truly risen, and by now my cup of coffee has actually turned cold sitting in my air conditioned room, and it still tastes dreadful, i guess it's just not thick enough, not enough creamer which comes to show that 3 in 1 shacets sucks.

Well anyway what I originally had in mind to write about was something like a story about myself, I think i'm writing this more for myself rather then for the people that's going to read it.

I've been giving a lot of thought about why, I'm such a slacker, I mean I'm piratically the definition of a slacker if I was a Christian then I would be sent to the deepest levels of hell for the sin of sloth which I pledge guilty for. I wondered how or when did I start to be like this, as far back as I can remember I've always been like this I guess, practically ever since standard one i never liked doing work, and never did, i never like listening to what the school teaches, i love to read and i love to learn but i hate being told what to read and learn, so i never did any homeworks and my parents never really insist on making sure i did, maybe it's cause i'm an only child i don't know, they might blame them self for how i turn out to be now but i blame myself too because as far back as i can remember i've always been aware of the fact that i needed to do better or i knew i was being too lazy, but i always did just enough to get by, and luckily the things i had interest in sometimes coincided with things being thought at school mostly the science stuffs, i piratically spent my childhood in a library i had already learn about things like how sex reproduction works and all that at standard 5 which isn't thought in school until like if i'm not mistaken form 3? And that's how my life of school has been i can honestly say i learn little to nothing from school everything i know i probably learnt it myself from reading books other then school text books, the only thing i learn from school is probably math which is the one thing my parents DID insist on, well even that i didn't learn in school it's mostly in tuition that i actually learn anything, it never bothered me though because i got by being who i was, i even got into a science stream, which i slightly regret now seeing that i'm arts but if i think about it i don't believe it would have made a difference either way. I've always been a dreamer, i never pay any attention in class i'm always day dreaming i'd stare at the black board but my eyes would go out of focus and the words on it would be blurred and my mind would wonder off, hmm i'm really starting to think i DO have attention deficit disorder.

By form 4 however I started to think I really need to bulk up on my studies, i never did. I'd go on sprees i would take notes everyday for awhile but it never lasts I never can sustain it for more then a few weeks if not a few days, I just detested things being tought, i hated to study maybe partly because it was all written in malay but i believe it's more to do with how the text books are written it's all very dull all straight forward, I hated history because they write history in such a boring manner in such a matter of fact way I feel history should be written with passion and with emotions, I didn't like anything in school not even English the way English is tought in school is a joke, its so mundane and maybe that is why I can't spell and I don't know what is a noun what is a verb I don't know most of the technicality of English I can only tell what is right and what is wrong I can't tell you in technical term why and so on so. I felt highschool was just a memorizing game who ever that can memorize more wins and the subject they pick are the most boring ones, well at least i felt they managed to make it boring, the teachers we have here I believe most of them never wanted to be teachers I believe most of them had different dreams but never realized it and ended up being a teacher and hated every moment of it, they come to school hating everyday of it as much as the students do just that they never tell you but i could tell, they hate it too they teach like how you would wipe your ass after you shit it's just a necessity , mandatory affliction of survival, they do it just to get by.

But no matter how much of a sloth I was I still managed to get by highschool, and I think part of me thought i could get by life this way, but deep inside i knew it was never true, college started and reality was violently thrown in my face, I suddenly had to learn to live by myself and i HAD to work hard, harder then i've ever been in my entire life, a lot harder but I coped with it , I relished it really my 1st term in coll was good by my standards but in reality I just barely managed to last minute every thing, but at that time I had no friends, at least I had no friends to hang out with because all my class mates lived far away from coll so i was practically alone for the entire first term i had NO internet , not even a comp actually all i had was my Cds and a cd player in my room so thats how i lived everyday i get home i sit down pop a cd in and listened to songs and worked well actually it was more like i'd get home then wait until like 12am then start working, i prefer working at that time cause everyone is asleep by then so there's no one to distract me( i dint have ear plugs at that time, so even when i play music i can hear noises outside and i'd always feel like goin out to see what's happening).

By my second term however things drastically changed I got to know more people namely Tee, Adhy , and Ray and due to me having to retake 2 subjects met even more people namely Chris , Nina and the rest of the gang, so my lifestyle changed I was out more well actually i was out a lot, by the 3rd term things got out of hand, I had too many commitments and i was well aware that i wasn't fulling any of them nearly enough, by the end of the 3rd term I felt entirely lost, it's when i really started to question who i was and who i thought i was, because they turned out to be 2 very different person in my mind i believe i was this type of person but in reality i really was another, I disappointed , even as far as hurt a lot of people and i'm truely sorry i did
"no i'm not the man i used to be lately, see you met me at an interesting time"
but there isn't anyone that felt more disappointed and hurt by me as me, I struggled to find myself again and at that point i just wanted to drop everything and sort myself out. But all along i really knew what was wrong and knew i was making things worst and worst as i was doing it but i really can't explain why i never stopped despite knowing , maybe the reality of it never really hit me till much later and when it hit it hit so hard i wanted to give up on everything.

But I was never one that liked admitting defeat and I don't like giving up, in my mind I was sure I could do better and I had everything all planed out I knew what I needed to do but planning and executing are 2 very different things as my friend Jenq would often say. So ever since i've been trying to crawl my way out of the deep dark hole i've dug myself into since I was 7 years old and it's been much much harder then i've ever imagined it to be, after 2 years of doing just that i'm just barely beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel , I'm not nearly out yet though I won't fool myself into thinking so, there's still quite some way to go and lots of determination is still needed a lot of perseverance is called for, i've done this so many times i can't begin to recall how many if you just go back into my previous blog posts i'm sure you'll find posts identifying my own weaknesses and how i plan to eradicate them even as far back as in highschool if you've known me for that long and read my blogs since thos days , but now is the time like never before this is it, it's do or die , fight or flight , now or never , I will find my way this time, or I shall forever be lost.

(if you've made it this far then you must either really care that much about me to read it all , or you actually find my life interesting enough to read this far or i acutally write good enough to endear you so far =] either way this is the end)

funny, i feel sleepy now. fuck. to sleep or not to sleep, that is the question

i really..

2008-01-08T01:56:00.000+08:00

i really cant find it in me to go to sleep tonight and wait for tomorrow
because i really am scared of what tomorrow might bring
not that i can really escape tomorrow either way, but still
i really don't know what's wrong with me
or maybe i do but i just can't seem to find it in me to fix it
how is it, you know what you know what you want to do
you know what you need to do
yet you can't do it?
it's really taking longer then i expected to find the answer to that question
i take too much for granted , i take too little into account
but these are the things i already know
i don't have enough motivation i'd say to myself sometimes
but do you really need more motivation then just the FUCKIN REST OF YOUR LIFE on the line, honestly really
"these are the times of your life" they say
it's been nothing be a mix of sleepless night for both all the right and wrong reasons
a cocktail of caffeinated blood, a splash of remorse , a drop of highs and a dash of lows laced with a with a bittersweet after taste of nothingness.
all severely shaken not stirred.
"it's the time of self discovery" they say
well i think discover i did
and i'm sorry to say i'm non too pleased with him
so , change change change.
change is much easier said then done
change is tiresome change is a bitch change is draining change is a boxing match with no referees and no bells
if you've been someone for all your life it really takes more then a thought to change
i want i should i would
if only i did.
old habits die hard, no
old habits die very fucking hard.
can you help me i'm bent i'm so scared that i'll never get put back together
i always start the same way "i'll do better this time"
my life has been just a series's of i'll do better this time
you'd argue who's isn't?
"owh come on you're being too hard on yourself"
no i'm not and i've never been nearly hard enough on myself
cause the only person and can really fix you is you
and if you cant help you, then who can?
why am i so good at asking questions and never answering them
identifying problems never fixing them
i think i just dont want to end this cause i know
i know once i do i'll have to submit to the fact that tomorrow has really become today.

2008-01-04T00:28:00.001+08:00

2008-01-03T06:34:00.000+08:00

Small, simple, safe price
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals
And I am not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife

perfect

2007-12-29T05:25:00.000+08:00

love the song love the video love the words perfect it is.

I know we're just like old friends
We just can't pretend
That lovers make amends
We are reasons so unreal
We can't help but feel that something has been lost

But please you know you're just like me
Next time I promise we'll be
Perfect
Perfect
Perfect strangers down the line
Lovers out of time
Memories unwind

So far I still know who you are
But now I wonder who I was...

Angel, you know it's not the end
We'll always be good friends
The letters have been sent on

So please, you always were so free
You'll see, I promise we'll be
Perfect
Perfect strangers when we meet
Strangers on the street
Lovers while we sleep

Perfect
You know this has to be
We always we're so free
We promised that we'd be
Perfect
words by -Smashing Pumpkins

Romance Kimia Saya.

2007-12-11T01:06:00.000+08:00

So last night was pretty eventful, went for My Chemical Romance's concert. Haven't been to a rock gig since what, Linkin Park 4 years ago? Well My Chemical Romance isn't exactly the band of my dreams to watch, but just for the heck of it rite its still rock gig with crazy people jumping about, or so I thought it would be.

Got there one and half hour early , there was already quite a horde of Mcr deranged kids there, whats the best part? It was raining , or rather it was drizzling, truthfully the scene looked alot more like a pasar malam then anything, there was stores all over selling drinks and food like burgers and fishballs on sticks, and pirated Tees, stickers, posters. The most annoying part is that there was like a celcom booth there and they thought it was cool to play Mcr songs real loud there, NO IT'S NOT! Dumb asses, i heard the songs so many times during the hour wait I was already almost sick of Mcr before the gig even started, whats better when they weren't playing Mcr songs? They played Simple Plan! and Good Charlotte brilliant guys totally professional I bet Mcr would have appreciated that. So after an hour of standing around being bombarded with looped Mcr songs we were finally let in to the stadium. Whats funny was that the opening act One Buck Short played right away, we were the first few ones in and they were already playing even before the stadium was barely filled up, and it was filling at a pretty slow rate, even after One Buck Short finished their act the place was just barely half filled.

One Buck Short was pretty good live, then Pop Shuvit played next which amazingly actually sounds better live then when I've heard them on radio they bring a lot of energy live, loud and hard hitting bass and fast tempo the only downer was that the crowd wasn't behind them enough and their songs were a lil draggy looping same melodies over too many times that gets tired fast, but pretty good over all their dj works were pretty cool mixed everything pretty well very Lp if you like really in many ways they are like Lp only without the screaming but if you listened to Lp lately there aren't much from them either.

By the time Pop Shuvit finished the placed was fairly filled up , oh i forgot to mention that it was pretty disappointing the moment i got in cause i can see that they only barricaded one section of the field for the show unlike when Lp came where the whole field was used, so i already knew the crowd wasnt goin to be nearly as big, if you went for the Lp one then it was about 1/3 of what Lp's crowd was like. So after pop shuvit finished the mood was pretty much set as was the sun, you could see all the exited teenage girl's faces , all of them screamed like mad every time the crew members step out to set up the equipments it was pretty laughable cause they got so many false alarms i think half of them lost their voice even before the gig started scream every time they see a crew member scream for every light test scream for every sound check, eventually it took Mcr like 45 mins to come out all the while playing us what sounds like what would be Gerrard's Ipod's songs, from The Strokes to Smashing Pumpkins and Greenday, at least it's a lot better then looping Mcr songs when we're just about to hear it anyways .

I'm not a Mcr fan so pardon me when i say i dint know half the songs they played, what was funny was Gerrard after playing the opening song goin " I'm sorry that My Chemical Romance couldn't make it tonight but you can call use the American Sex Boys if you like" all and all the performance was pretty good they sound the same live as they sound on record which is good but it's just the nature of their song it just not that energetic, once again i'll refer to Lp's gig, people only went really crazy on thier last song Famous Last Words wheres people went that crazy on Lp's opening song thats how much the night contrasted comparing to Lp's gig. All and all it was pretty fun to watch Gerrard live he's very very animated and is very dramatic with lots of gestures and facial expression (in case you're wondering we can see his face on the big screen), quite funny guy too i liked at some point in the middle of the show he went " Omg i'm drowning in sweat, that's good thought, don't you just hate it when you see bands that play and they're just not sweating? its like did you come to play or did you come to just hang out? Well we're not here to hang out! you guys wanna hang out or you guys wanna drown with us?"

In the end it was pretty worth while I guess, not a life changing thing but doesn't hurt to say i was there, whats sad was that i think half of the ppl there were like me, so a lot of the non 'single 'songs ppl there dint know the words to it, but kudos to Mcr for playing their hearts out despite the small and sometimes not so responsive crowd, best song of the night for me would be Cancer, it was the one song that everyone knew and since the back ground was only piano you can really hear the crowd sing this one =] which is actually one of the few songs i like from them too, bummer of the night ? They dint play Ghost of you.

Spell

2007-12-04T21:27:00.000+08:00

Spotlight shining brightly on my face
I can see you thinking
Yet I feel you looking my way
Empty stage
With nothing but this girl
Who's singing a simple melody
and wearing her heart on her sleeve

And right now
I'll help you
For a moment I can tell I've got to
Cause your lips don't move
And something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you

Beauty emminates from every word that you say
You capture the deepest thought with the purest simplest of ways
but you see
I'm not as graceful like you
Nor am I as elequent
But just a simple melody can change the way that you see me

And right now
I'll help you
For a moment I can tell that I've got to
Cause your lips don't move
Something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you

And all my life I stumble, but and here I am
and I'm perfect
Perfect as I'll ever be
words by-Marie Digby

2007-11-17T09:30:00.000+08:00

The Explosm comics i put up some time ago were great. but these are more, artistic. i likee =D
Click To Enlarge

Christmas party cheesecake jellybean boom.

2007-11-16T09:03:00.000+08:00

John Mayer on the "Paul Reddy Show"FunnyOrDie.com

so long scarecrow

2007-11-09T06:42:00.000+08:00

fun with figures

2007-11-03T17:16:00.000+08:00

Marilyn Manson Sans makeup

John Mayer

2007-10-29T04:58:00.001+08:00

2007-10-26T13:03:00.001+08:00

digitalbath

2007-10-26T00:36:00.000+08:00

its been like forever since the last time i drew a girl.
cause i never do them any justice. here's my first try after a long while lol.
still not doing her much justice. was hoping to do better. oh well first of many to come i guess ;B

here's no why

2007-10-24T05:36:00.000+08:00

The useless drag of another day
The endless drags of a death rock boy
Mascara sure and lipstick lost
Glitter burned by restless thoughts of being forgotten
And in your sad machines
You'll forever stay
Desperate and displeased-with whoever you are
And your a star
Somwhere-he pulls his hair down-over a frowning smile
A hidden diamond you cannot find
A secret star that cannot shine over to you
May the king of gloom, be forever doomed
And in your sad machines
You'll forever stay
Burning up in speed
Lost inside the dreams, of teen machines
The useless drags, the empty days
The lonely towers of long mistakes
To forgotten faces and faded loves
Sitting still was never enough
And if you're giving in, then your giving up
Cause in your sad machines
You'll forever stay
Burning up in speed
Lost inside the dreams, of teen machines

2007-10-20T18:43:00.000+08:00

howdoi

2007-10-18T21:40:00.000+08:00

How do you get from this

to

this?

answer's simple they say. just keep doing and doing you'll get it eventually. ;B
feels like i've been doing figures forever and not gettin remotely close to what the latter one looks like.

echoes,silence,patience and grace

2007-10-03T14:47:00.001+08:00

It's been awhile since i last wrote anything so i'll start with this review of the Echoes. silence ,patience and grace.
So I got the new Foo Fighters's albumn and given it a few run through, first thoughts? Well they've sure come a long way since the days of Big Me and Learn to Fly, Foo Fighters have consistently change their sound and style without losing their identity from the hilarious and fun times of Big Me and Learn to Fly to the more serious and hard hitting tunes of Best of You and Times Like This. Time after time Dave Grohl manages to write amazing lyrics from stupid funny ones to heart touching ones, and Foo Fighters produces hits after hits over the years.

It's amazing how Dave Grohl the ex drummer of Nirvana comes out and forms his own band drop the drum sticks pick up a guitar a pen and a mic and makes it all work effortlessly even after being a part of a band of Nirvana's status and knowing an Icon like Kurt Cobain. Dave Grohl just carry on assume the role of front man and who'd ever guess the long haired drummer of Nirvana would become the front man of a powerhouse hugely successful band Foo Fighters.

If you've been a fan of the Foos since way back when then I guess this album is no let down, in any case this album is great unless you only liked Foo Fighters during the times they sounded a bit heavier , because this album has quite a few tracks that are acoustic, which actually are my fav tracks in the album, if you've listened to the Foo Fighters unplugged album that came out some time last year I think and liked it then this album is defiantly for you.

Listen to , Come Alive , Stranger things have happened and But honestly. If you found a liking for thos then get the album =]

2007-10-02T17:35:00.001+08:00

quiet

2007-09-25T22:01:00.000+08:00

I'll be the bumble bee behind you baby.
I'll tear up everything inside you, well yeah.
And it stings, and it stings
Sun shines through your openings.
I'll tear up everything inside you.

Hold up, don't say what I think you're gonna say.
Take your time cause I can wait.
It's all on you and I'm not sane.

And if you see my girl could you bring her to me?
She don't like a life with a rock n' roll singer, well yeah.
But we'll spend the rest of our lives in happiness.
I'll wrap this ring around her finger.

Hold up, don't say what I think you're gonna say.
Take your time cause I can wait.
It's all on you and I'm not sane.
You won't see what you mean to me
And you don't feel that you're everything.
For now I'll live with you
Quiet, quiet.

You don't see what you mean to me.
You don't feel like you're everything.
You can take all the time you need.
I hold my breath but I have to breathe.

Hold up, don't say
Hold up, don't say
Hold up, don't say what I think you're gonna say.
Take your time cause I can wait.
It's all on you and I'm not sane.
You won't see what you mean to me
And you don't feel that you're everything.
For now I live with you
Quiet.
Quiet.

words by - Alien Ant Farm

perfect

2007-09-19T22:23:00.000+08:00

I know we're just like old friends
We just can't pretend
That lovers make amends
We are reasons so unreal
We can't help but feel that something has been lost

But please you know you're just like me
Next time I promise we'll be
Perfect
Perfect
Perfect strangers down the line
Lovers out of time
Memories unwind

So far I still know who you are
But now I wonder who I was...

Angel, you know it's not the end
We'll always be good friends
The letters have been sent on

So please, you always were so free
You'll see, I promise we'll be
Perfect
Perfect strangers when we meet
Strangers on the street
Lovers while we sleep

Perfect
You know this has to be
We always we're so free
We promised that we'd be
Perfect
words by -Smashing Pumpkins

when brush meets aerosol

2007-09-18T20:56:00.000+08:00

if given an hour to draw or paint what can we normally do? barely a figure sketch or a landscape painting? if given and hour to Alex Pardee and friends this is what they can do

Alex Pardee has stupid insane brush control, while the ither dudes paint with an aerosol can as tho it was a brush i have no idea how the achieve the super thin lines with an aerosol can. Whats cool about this is they work on each others painting and it all still blends in as tho only one person did it all in the end. Here's how they did it.

big machine

2007-09-16T14:34:00.001+08:00

Ecstasy is all you need
Living in the big machine
Oh you're so vain
Now your world is way too fast
Nothing's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware
I'm in love but you don't care

Turn your anger into lust
I'm still here but you don't trust at all
And I'll be waiting
Love and sex and loneliness
Take what's yours and leave the rest
So I'll survive
God it's good to be alive

I'm torn in pieces
I'm blind and waiting for you
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you

Still in love with all your sins
Where you stop and I begin
And I'll be waiting
Living like a house on fire
What you fear is your desire
It's hard to deal
I still love the way you feel

Now this angry little girl
Drowning in this petty world
And I'm who you run to
Swallow all your bitter pills
That's what makes you beautiful
You're all or not
I don't need what you ain't got

I'm torn in pieces
I'm blind and waiting for you
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you

words by - goo goo dolls

more subtle then some thing someone contrives

2007-09-16T02:15:00.000+08:00

I'm not a big fan of these chain things but okay i'll play along this time.

RULES:
1. The tag victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again.
5. Lastly, and most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.

so thank you for being that kind of girl.

1. someone as much as a lover is a best friend as well. because we're most comfortable at times with a best friend, if she's both then she's all i need.

2.someone with great sense of humor and a stomach for idiotic sarcasm. just so we'd still have a good laugh even when one of the shitty days turn up and when not everything is sunshine and rainbows.

3.someone thats full of randomness that never fails to surprise , so she'll always make me smile or take my breath away when i least expect.

4.someone honest and real, because ppl are so full of shit these days you never know if ppl are who they say they are anymore.

5.someone with great taste for art, food , music , movies , books, and we shall spend endless days at the marvel of amazing melodies, beautiful strings of words and hunting for more things to blow our mind

6.someone that is able to inspire,move and motivate me, because i'm a lousy self motivator so it'd be nice to lean on someone while they lean on you. it takes one to have the other.

7.someone that knows me through and through so she'd keep me grounded when i lose my way and i'm not myself, holding on and believing in me when i doubt myself.

8.someone that's confident, independent but not vain, strong but sensitive , i could go on and on but sometimes its the smallest of things the counts and its the smallest of things that makes someone so very special when you discover it, i'll let you know when i know then.

9. and oh someone that's good with spelling and needs correct all the mistake she sees. bcuz i sux wit teh spilling n nids a spillchecker.

i won't be tagging anyone because for one all the people i know that has a blog have already been tagged and, yeah thats reason enough.

this doubt is screaming is my face,
in this familiar place sheltered and concealed,
and if this night won't let me rest don't let me second guess what i know to be real,
put away all i know for tonight,
and maybe i just might,
learn to let it go,
take my security from me,
then maybe finally,
i won't have to know everything,

i got nothing left to defend
tho i cannot pretend
that everything makes sense
but does it really matter now?
if i do not know how
to figure this thing out.

i'm against myself again
trying to fit these pieces in
walking on a cloud of dust tryin to get to you

chadamlives.

2007-09-11T19:43:00.000+08:00

Chadam is a character by alex pardee originally designed for the band The Used as an icon of imagination. Chadam's story got so popular over the internet it's going to be made into a 22 series 3D animation by warner bros. for more info click on the alex pardee link. if you like to know more about the story of chadam you could visit www.myspace.com/chadamlives

keepmoving

2007-09-08T04:39:00.000+08:00

There are traces of the people
And the faces I have known
As the bus stops at the building
The place that I called home
Thought I'd left forever
Never thought that I'd return
But everyday, I make my way
I guess I never learn

I never meant to hurt you
No matter what I said
I never did desert you
You are still inside my head
The earth will keep on turning
The sun will always rise
Don't know why, seems like I
I'm always so surprised

I can't sleep at night
Life is black and white
And all I can do
In a world without you
Is keep moving
Keep moving
Is keep moving
Keep moving

I'm living, but I'm nowhere
Wondering what to do
I know that I am someone
But I can't remember who
Words are never simple

And looking back in time
Has only shown me what I know
There's nothing left that's mine

Staring at the skyline
The light is almost through
It's going out of focus
It's breaking into two
So I leave again like always
And I try to find my way
It'll be awhile, but I know I'll
Be coming back someday

I can't sleep at night
Life is black and white
And all I can do
In a world without you
Is keep moving
Keep moving
Is keep moving
Keep moving
words by - Ivy

save room

2007-09-07T00:24:00.000+08:00

Say that you'll stay a little
dont say bye-bye tonight
say you'll be mine
just a little bit of love
is worth a moment of your time.
Knockin' on your door just a little
it's so cold outside tonight
let's get a fire burning
oh I know I'll keep it burning bright
if your stay, wont you save, save

Save room for my love
Save room for a moment to be with me
Save room for my love
Save a little, save a little for me
Won't you save a little
Save a little for me

This just might hurt a little
love hurts sometimes when you do it right
dont be afraid of a little bit of pain
pleasure is on the other side.
Let down your guard just a little
i'll keep you safe in these arms of mine
hold on to me pretty baby
you will see I can be all you need if you stay
won't you save, save

Oh c'mon, make time to live a little
don't let this moment slip by tonight
you'll never know what you're missing
'till you try, ill keep you satisfied if you stay
won't you save, save
words by- John Legend

2007-08-31T17:45:00.000+08:00

If you feel shitty lately you should try settin this as your desktop background. it doesnt make much sense to me but it makes me laugh/smile everytime i see it. cute. =B

nothing hurts now

2007-08-29T14:45:00.000+08:00

There was a time, you make me believe, that I'd receive
Something that would hold, & wouldn't leave me cold
& there was a line you made me cross,
So the two of us would have the strength to bare,
The crosses we couldn't share

But nothing hurts now, that didn't hurt before
So I won't pretend that it was the end of the world
Cause nothing hurts now

There was a time, I made you smile, & for a while
I was beautiful to you, I was beautiful like you
But these things often pass, & for you they just wouldn't last
So I was first to know, when you had to go

But nothing hurts now, that didn't hurt before
So I won't pretend that it was the end of the world
Cause nothing hurts now

words by- Magnet

rush

2007-08-28T00:31:00.001+08:00

Guess i'm just a gust of wind
Moved on quickly
Almost unoticed
But quite powerful
Our rush could easily have blown
Your defenses down
Could easily have blown
Your defenses down
Did you hear me whispering Hello
Did you see me waving goodbye?
Did you notice...
that I didn't cry
I guess I just brushed through your mind
More gently
Than I intended to
Not fresh enough
Just a breeze
I can make you fly
High
I can make you fly
High
Did you hear me whispering hello
Did you see me waving goodbye
Did you notice...
That I didn't cry
Your taste I don't mind
It was worth the try
And though uninvited
I came by
Did you notice...
That I didn't cry
words by- Ingvild Hasund

the pacemaker

2007-08-25T14:51:00.000+08:00

Slow down the pace,
I have never known me this out of place
If stupid acting dumb, is the shape of things to come
And I ad up that sum
Then this is where I can't get back from

Take my hand, I will follow,
Only you can slow this down
Take my hand and I will mellow,
'Cause only you can hold me like a torniquet,
And make me stay, here with you

No ego left to bruise,
at least there's something good in most bad news
I just don't want to cruise
With anyone of the young dudes
'Cause round for round,
only uncool will travel on gravel ground

So take my hand, I will follow
Only you can slow this down
Take my hand and I will mellow,
'Cause only you can slow this down
You can slow this down

So take my hand, I will follow
Only you can slow this down
Take my hand and I will mellow,
'Cause only you can hold me like a torniquet,
And make me stay, here with you
words by -Magnet

hell of a start.

2007-08-16T14:01:00.000+08:00

If you watch football and if you're a Man Utd fan, i bet you're shaking already. Week 2 and not only did we not to manage get a single win while Chelsea clocked in 2 wins already, we've lost Wayne Rooney for 2 months due to leg injury and now Cristiano Ronaldo for 3 games, 2 of our biggest player gone when we need them the most now to jump start our game after stuttering the last 2. Not quite the start i was hoping for this season but it's alrite Tevez put up a good show last night filling in for Rooney, i think we'd grind it out and come good when all our players are back namely Gary Neville and Luis Saha.

fine again

2007-08-13T21:56:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile

2007-08-12T14:27:00.000+08:00

My term ends this Tuesday and all the shit for the past 3 months can be put to rest, sigh as much as i want to I'm not actually in that much of a mood to write I don't know why, just feel..bleak, not that i'm too sure what it was that i wanted to say, there's just a void i don't know how to fill, i've keep myself busy rather well, but as this sem is drawing to an end i can't help but wonder with all the free time i'm going to have soon will I mutilate my self once again as my thoughts are allowed to manifest upon them self, It's been awhile though..

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry

words by - Staind

the crying tree of mercury

2007-08-12T12:03:00.001+08:00

This is the song I've been singing my whole life
I've been waiting like a knife
To cut open your heart
And bleed my soul to you
I did it all for you
You and you and you and you
This is the sound I've been making my whole life
I've been waiting for this night
To clear up all the talk
Althought I'm selfish to a fault
Is it selfish it's you I want
You I did it all for you
This love will stand as long as you
There's really no excuse
I did it all for you
These are the tears I've been crying my whole life
Like an ocean of desire
I'm reaching thru the noise
Across the dusk of time
Within the lilting lies
I am singing out to you

words by- Smashing Pumpkins

hollow years

2007-08-09T10:21:00.000+08:00

He's just the kind of man
You hear about
Who leaves his family for
An easy out
They never saw the signs
He never said a word
He couldn't take another day

Carry me to the shoreline
Bury me in the sand
Walk me across the water
And maybe you'll understand

Once the stone
You're crawling under
Is lifted off your shoulders
Once the cloud that's raining
Over your head disappears
The noise that you'll hear
Is the crashing down of hollow years

She's not the kind of girl
You hear about
She'll never want another
She'll never be without
She'll give you all the signs
She'll tell you everything
Then turn around and walk away

Carry me to the shoreline
Bury me in the sand
(Into the waves)
Walk me across the water
And maybe you'll understand
words by- dream theater

got the life

2007-08-08T20:23:00.000+08:00

if you've known me for awhile you'd probly know I'am prone to fucking up my phone's screens, everyone still remembers my 3100 with a self drawn background, and more recently my z520i which flips out like mad and the screen can go scrolling of the sides and stuff looking like a gnarly mini jackpot machine, however its a bitch to write smses with in spite of how cool it is to show people your sick screen. I got that fixed like last dec and woop pi doo it's screwed up again. So i've managed to screw up candy bar phones, flip phones so lets see, i think i'd tap into the realm of slide phones baby, 3rd time's a charm rite? ;B behold the S500i ( i never know what the i at the back stands for. is there a diff between have an i at the back and not?)

in repair

2007-08-08T18:42:00.000+08:00

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new luck upon me
Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair

And now i'm walking in the park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me

Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
Oh i'm never really ready, yeah, oh, i'm never really ready
I'm in repair, i'm not together but i'm getting there
words by-john mayer

in time

2007-08-08T10:10:00.000+08:00

All the words are calling
Got time on my own
There's no destination
Wondering whether I'll feel it again

Keep my hands off the wheel
'Cause there's nowhere else to go

Take some time
Just hang around awhile
Like to sit this silent moment out
I don't want to lose or let you down
Time's just gonna change itself around

The autumn leaves are falling
Falling down on me
And there's nothing I can do
And there's nothing I can say
That's gonna change the way I feel

Keep my hands off the wheel
'Cause there's nowhere else to go

Take some time
Just hang around awhile
Like to sit this silent moment out
I don't want to lose or let you down
Time's just gonna change itself around

Take this time
Just hang around awhile
Like to sit this silent moment out
I don't wanna lose or let you down
Time's just gonna change itself
Change itself around

I feel it's true
All alone without you
I feel it's true
'Cause you're running with the wind
And you're running with your life
Won't you come inside
words by-zero7

my beating heart baby

2007-08-08T03:22:00.000+08:00

here's somtin stupid/funny my friend sent me awhile ago. love is sensation caused by temptation a guy stick his dick into girl's location to increase the population for the next generation avoid penetration for the satisfaction do u need further explaination or u need a demostration? lol funny to some awfull to others i guess

Baby is this love for real?
Let me in your arms to feel
the beating of your heart baby.
The beating of your heart baby.

In spite of you,
even out of view,
still I love all of you.
I do. Yeah..
words by -head automatica

shoot frank

2007-08-05T17:19:00.000+08:00

One last vein to poke made it too dark to see this
Scenery slips then line up to go in the ground and leave us
So repeat this till I'm sick and I won't feed this
To my little girl who kept me in this world to beat this
As a little kid taught to follow Jesus
Get to the front of the line I'm bein' lead by elitists
So when I speak words that I don't mean
It's like I'm only in a cloud to wonder what serene is
Unable to wake and delete the reasons
Or be the same bed I made up to sleep with demons
Whether sick sane of a pattern repeated
If I spit pain I knew how to relieve it
If at sixteen I had started to treat it
Till my shit changed whether or not I would need it
To trace back to the face before the fetus
If the departure was wrong from the gate then she is

Trigger finger itch
The son of a snitch
I'm the rat's favorite son
Last to pal and cut
Slit to bleed the rust
By the last heart I've won
We roll under covers waiting
I've tied off a limb debating
If all of the names forsaken
Spell out what I'm takin'
Watching the skin pop
I would do anything to
Tell you what I've been late to
Fix up my head and escape to
Where I can rest my eyes

The sun says wake up with a beam in my eyes
Clutchin' the bed like she's still by my side part of me died
Even when I prescribed still just to be ostracized
'Cuz she don't really know if she wants to ride or drive
While no nooses long enough to hang my excuses
Whether I'm dead, gun to my head, or reclusive
The end is close almost no need for money
Yet when I wished for death nobody took my life from me
If I cannot see what's right in front of me
And the lights on there still wouldn't be enough to leave
I fixed me when I broke the aggression
But I'm still attracted to my beautiful depression
If I felt emotions I learned to suppress 'em
Till I'm ready to sleep I'll have found a place to rest then
No thanks to angst I learned my lesson
And can erase the face that can't answer the questions

Trigger finger itch the son of a snitch
I'm the rat's favorite son
And by the time I'm back
That heart that beats so black
Let it shine like his gun
We roll under covers waiting
I've tied off a limb debating
If all of the names forsaken
Spell out what I'm taking
Watching the skin pop
words by - cage (feat darryl palumbo)

o.lover

2007-08-05T10:10:00.001+08:00

What's the worst thing that could happen?
We could change our minds.
That seems to be the hottest topic at this time.
We're sitting around in the meditation, dragging, chasing,
Wonderin?whose holdin?whose got the will to draw the line.

I know you've got something burning up inside,
It's so unhealthy but so good for me, oh!
Said if I didn't know, and if I didn't know, well if I didn't know that you loved me would you tempt me?
Well God only knows our contradiction's to quitting, is a hate to love relationship thing.
A fire under you is so fulfilling,
I fear there's nothing more.

I'm giving, giving you, the choke hold,
My flirting with disaster is modern love.
Ugggh you, you're so bold,
My wanting to kiss you still is not enough.
I'm getting over, all the comments.
Unfriendly statements made by people are nonsense.
I'm getting stronger, by the minute.
And once I slip into position I'll swing you and turn you all around.

You are the sweetest thing I've found since whenever,
You're the only way my time is measured.
You might be the silent type,
But your advertising louder now.
It's crazy how you're killing me.
Woo, you're killing me, but I like your

Red top and matching bottoms.
You know the one, the ones you got on,
Pull them over your skinny self
But don't cover your tattoo.
Woo, cause I like to look at you, yeah,
I love that smell on you,
And I got your special place against this face for tasting too.

And I like it natural,
No need for chemicals.
Sparkening up my senses
You're making it sense
You're calling it sexual.

And you're going to get yours, my lady.
Might even be today.
And it ain't no thing 'cause I'll be rolling right along with you-woo-woo.

You are the sweetest thing I've found since whenever.
You're the only way my time is measured.
You might be the silent type.
But you're advertising louder now.
It's crazy how you're killing me.
And give us both a break.
And to give us back a taste when the way things were before they made the laws,
And to give us both a chance,
But it won't be the last romance cause when the weekend starts the guilty party's on.

words by - Jason Mraz

feel

2007-08-03T03:10:00.000+08:00

Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don't understand

I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
I don't wanna die
But I ain't keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I'm preparing to leave her

Scare myself to death
That's why I keep on running
Before I've arrived
I can see myself coming
I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
And I need to feel
Real love and the love ever after
I can not get enough

I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
I got too much love
Running through my veins
To go to waste

I just wanna feel
Real love and the love ever after
There's a hole in my soul
You can see it in my face
It's a real big place
words by - robbie williams

morning view

2007-07-29T04:48:00.000+08:00

Its 5 and I just got back from watching Simpsons The Movie and yet another night spent in Ac foosing, and watching the blur masses of people as they come and go, surrounded by dampened noises of some simple plan back ground music being played, giggling girls, macho macha's ramblings laced with pool balls colliding and the ping and pangs of the foos balls hitting the metal back panel signifying a goal scored and often accompanied with cheers, laughters and trash talk there after. I watched as the water vapors swirled around my cold coke can in my hand then i smiled cause it reminds me of a certain Mr A-Z ' I can save you from unoriginal dum-dums who wouldn't care if you commm-plete them or not, So while I got a short attention span with a coke in my hand, because i rather have the afternoon relax and understand.." and then i snap back and made a mental note, 'you drift away from reality too much this shit gotta stop happening'. I guess despite the masses of people and the high decibels of volume the roaming 'chun chicks' were all still not interesting enough for me, in spite of the 'happening-ness'
I'm retarded I think. Jarren'd agree in a heart beat I know. Do you ever wonder what happens to the words that we send? do they bend do they break from the flight that they take, and come back together again with a whole new meaning to the matter of our love's defense at least be sympathetics to the time i spent'. =] someone once told me 'regurgitating lyrics won't do'...

I'm floating down a river
Oars freed from their holes long ago
Lying face up on the floor of my vessel
I marvel at the stars
And feel my heart overflow

Further down the river

Two weeks without my lover
I'm in this boat alone
Floating down a river named emotion
Will I make it back to shore
Or drift into the unknown

Further down the river

I'm building an antenna
Transmissions will be sent when I am through
Maybe we'll meet again further down the river
And share what we both discovered...
Then revel in the view

Further down the river
words by- Incubus

alone i break

2007-07-28T05:41:00.000+08:00

it's actually quite amusingly ironic that I'm posting lyrics by Korn some of you may know why but,yeah im dead tired to cerita why rite now so, maybe some other time.so yeah..

Pick me up
been bleeding too long
Right here, right now
I'll stop it some how

I will make it go away
can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
these feelings will be gone
these feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
leaving doesn't seems so strange
I am hoping I can find
where to leave my hurt behind
All this shit I seem to take
all alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Shut me off
I am ready,
Heart stops
I stand alone
Can't be on my own

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it I'm running from?
is there nothing more to come? (am I Gunna leave this place?)
Is it always black in space?
Am I going to take it's place?
Am I going to leave this race? (Am I going to leave this race?)
I guess god's up in this place?
what is it that I've become?
is there something more to come? (more to come)

words by - Korn

bodies

2007-07-27T13:51:00.000+08:00

Cast the pearls aside, of a simple life of need
Come into my life forever
The crumbled cities stand as known
Of the sights you have been shown
Of the hurt you call your own
Love is suicide

The empty bodies stand at rest
Casualties of their own flesh
Afflicted by their dispossession
But no bodies ever knew
Nobodys
No bodies felt like you
Nobodys
Love is suicide

Now we drive the night, to the ironies of peace
You can't help deny forever
The tragedies reside in you
The secret sights hide in you
The lonely nights divide you in two
All my blisters now revealed
In the darkness of my dreams
In the spaces in between us
But no bodies ever knew
Nobodys
No bodies felt like you
Nobodys
Love is suicide
words by- Smashing Pumpkins

forgive my indecision

2007-07-26T01:41:00.000+08:00

Eyesuckink.com has been updated and now has a new layout , a cleaner one but more importantly there are tons of new artwork uploaded, i don't know why but i love Alex Pardee's work and always feel i can relate to it somehow even thought most of his work doesn't mean anything and is pretty twisted and abstract , Maybe its just the mood you get it's just so emotionally charged. Someone once told me ' i see the other side in your drawings, i see softer side in it despite of how twisted it looks, i don't know why', i guess thats about what I'd say about alex's work seeing i pretty much rip off him most of the time.

speaking of which this just happened to play while i was writing and i could not at any point of my life remember not relating to this song, i'm sure alot of people knows this one and feels the same way too. brilliant Brandon Byod, btw did you know Brandon Byod practices lucid dreaming? Wicked stuff probably where he draws inspiration from. I only ever remember having one once, i hardly get any dreams. Hey to think about it Alex Pardee says alot of his drawings are based on his dreams too, hmm. Anyways..

seven a.m.,
the garbage truck beeps as it backs up
and I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away.
Could I push rewind?
The credits traverse signifying the end but I missed the best part.
Could we please go back to start?

Forgive my indecision

Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side.
But then again, a day will come when I want off that ride.

eleven a.m.,
by now you would think that I would be up
but my bedsheets shade the heat of choices I've made.
And what did I find?
I never thought I could want someone so much
'cause now you're not here and I'm knee deep in
that old fear.

Forgive my indecision,I am only a man

Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side.
But then again, a day will come when I want off that ride.

Twelve pm and my dusty telephone rings.
Heavy head up from my pillow, who could it be?
I hope it's you.

words by - Incubus

my stupid mouth

2007-07-26T00:31:00.000+08:00

When I think about it i often question myself why I have the need to question everything. Not just everything to do with me even everything has next to no relation with me. Why do I bother with things I need not bother with why do i delve into things I don't really actually care for. Why am I even bothering to write this down, I need to vent i guess.

Other then that I also like to think or rather i don't think it i just act as though i know a lot or know better then people with no actual intention of illustrating such facts. If you tell me about something cool that i already know off and probably did some research on, chances are i'd tell you that there is something better, like for instance if you tell me how cool a new Nokia phone is and you plan to buy one,chances are I'd tell how much cooler an Iphone is and rant on about it giving you 57 reasons why the Iphone beats the Nokia phone so badly, which often times lead to people thinking I'm just trying to out-do them or down play what ever their views are on.

Well pardon me for sharing then, I'm absurd in that way i guess. When i beg to differ i guess i go way out to show people why. Which is a waste of effort and time most of the time cause people already would have made up their minds on their views and you can throw them 825001 reasons on why you're right plus a PB&J sandwich,you're still gonna be wrong no matter what, well I could be wrong 825001 over but at the end of the day the question is why bother? I'm tired of debating already, If I'm right and you're right who's wrong then?

'I'm never speaking up again it only hurts me'
'I rather be a mystery then she desert me'
'Oh I'm never speaking up again, starting now'
'One more thing'
'Why is it my fault?'
'So maybe I try too hard'
'But it's all because of this desire'
'I just wanna be liked'
'I just wanna be funny'
'Looks like the jokes on me'
'So call me captain backfire'
words by - John Mayer

hate me.

2007-07-22T21:27:00.000+08:00

i have to block out thoughts of you
so i don’t lose my head
they crawl in like a cockroach
leaving babies in my bed

dropping little reels of tape
to remind me that i’m alone
playing movies in my head
that make a porno feel like home

there's a burning in my pride
a nervous bleeding in my brain
an ounce of peace is all i want for you
will you never call again

and will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face
and will you never try to reach me it is i that wanted space

hate me today
hate me tomorrow
hate me for all the things i didn’t do for you

hate me in ways
yea ways hard to swallow
hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

i’m sober now for three whole months
it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
the one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing i wont touch again

in my sick way i want to thank you
for holding my head up late at night
while i was busy waging wars on myself
you were trying to stop the fight

you never doubted my warped opinions
on things like suicidal hate
you made me compliment myself
when it was way to hard to take

so i’ll drive so fucking far away
that i never cross your mind
and do whatever it takes in your heart
to leave me behind

hate me today
hate me tomorrow
hate me for all the things i didn’t do for you

hate me in ways
yea ways hard to swallow
hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

with a sad heart i say bye to you and wave
kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that i had made
and like a baby boy i never was a man
until i saw your blue eyes cry and i held your face in my hand

and then i fell down yelling make it go away
just make her smile come back and shine just like it use to be
and then she whispered how can you do this to me

words by - Blue October.

cherry waves

2007-07-21T18:44:00.000+08:00

due to inability to ever do work early there is figures,figures and figures again. =]
by the way Project bazooka's penang invasion at laundrybar was wicked, sadly the crowd there was, less then rock savvy i guess. Wish i could have spent more time with Zhuiie tho, it's okay we'll hang out more when the girl comes back for the summer holls. so, in conclusion. I say in conclusion cause thats the only thing i remember from high school about writing. anyways as always ill leave you with.

In a sea of waves
We hug the same plank
Just as I had rehearsed it over in my brain
(I saw your end)

If the waves suck you in, and you drown

If like you should sink down beneath
I'll swim down. Would you? Would You?

You hang anchors over my neck
I liked it at first
But the more you you laughed, the crazier I came

And the waves suck you in, and you drown

If like you should sink down beneath

I'll swim way swim down. Would you?
Is that what you want?
You...
Well that's what you've got

Wave...after...wave...

If like you should sink down beneath, I'll swim down,
Would you?

Is that what you want?
With you
Is this what you want?
With you, you

Escape, below

words by - Deftones

Seven Shades of Black

2007-07-19T14:34:00.001+08:00

I really wish i had a credit card and that I can afford all these awesome prints of Alex Pardee's art that everyone needs so they can hang in their room and hope one day to be just as good, or maybe just so it'd aid your emo-ness when you're all alone then you'd at least have something pretty to call your own. p.s: click on the image to get the full view of its crazy details in full glory

I'm on the street yeah
I want you
I'm looking for myself
I'm gonna make it
I'll take it
Like everybody else
Belle of the fawning
I'm yawning
Sister can't you spell
Above suspicion
Hey listen !
I'm digging my own hell
'Cause I want you bad, ah
'Cause I want you bad

And without peer
And without fear
I'm without anyone at all
I'm torn apart, decrying
How unjust you are
For busting
My black heart

'Cause you don't want me no more
But just you worry
'Cause when they scratch-scratch my door
You'll hurry
Ah 1, 2, 3

This gun is loaded, devoted
You postulate the rest
Riding the seesaw
There's no law
That I have ever met
I'm just a flat punk
On dead junk
Riding a vanguard
Cut from the vaunted
I'm haunted, till death do us part
'Cause I want you bad, ah
'Cause I want you bad

Fall in hate with me with one trick
You will want it all

The yeah-yeah tears
The now and here
The without anyone at all
I'm torn without
I'm crying out for doom

We are the lurking
The panzers
The black as coal as night
Stealing the stealthy
And stellar
Until we get it right
Notice the yearlings
The dead things
The pretty as you please
I am the regent, the marquis
Sowing my bad seeds
'Cause I want you bad, ah
'Cause I want you bad

Fall in hate with me with one trick
You will want it all
As St. Patrick pipes on!

words by - Smashing Pumpkins

great big white world

2007-07-19T04:38:00.000+08:00

In space the stars are no nearer
Just glitters like a morgue
And I dreamed I was a spaceman
Burned like a moth in a flame
And our world was so fucking gone

I'm not attached to your world
Nothing heals and nothing grows

Because it's a great big white world
And we are drained of our colors
We used to love ourselves,
We used to love one another

All my stitches itch
My prescription's low,
I wish you were queen
Just for today

In a world so white what else could I say?

And hell was so cold
All the vases are so broken
And the roses tear our hands all open
Mother Marry miscarry
But we pray just like insects
And the world is so ugly now

words by- Marilyn Manson

zeitgeist

2007-07-18T22:06:00.000+08:00

zeitgeist : The spirit of the time; the taste and outlook characteristic of a period or generation and also the newest album to be released by Smashing Pumpkins 7 years after the disband.

edit : review of the album to follow suit

a kiss to send us off

2007-07-14T02:45:00.000+08:00

Boy, it's been hard to find time to write these days with Ray moving in, rushing to get work done and what not. Well at least at this point I've got most of the stuff that needs sorting out sorted out :B , ill add to this post when I've got the time,still have a bit on my hands to get done , so ill just fill you in on whats hitting my ears lately as I've done so in the past few posts.

Meet me here
On November 11th, come alone.
Bring your mouth
& selective irreverence
we’ll both see stars. Just…
one more tongue kiss before the sky it falls
out from this cloud we’re hovering on!
(A kiss to send us off! A kiss to send us off! A kiss to send us off!)

Kill your doubt
With the coldest of weapons; confidence.
No more words
just the sound of resplendent
tongues colliding.
One more tongue kiss before the sky it falls
out from this cloud we’re hovering on!

Here I am
there you are
a wire connecting our hearts
there’s a string
that is tied
to a kite.
There’s a storm
in the sky
now the clouds become electric.
Here I am
there you are.
Could I…
Have a…
Kiss to send us off? A Kiss to send us off! A kiss to send us off!

words by - Incubus

i don't know

2007-07-11T19:22:00.001+08:00

Today they asked me, "why do you always seem to fight?"
But though I could not answer I'd have lost my way
And I could tell that this ain't right
The morning sunrise seemed to ask me why I tried
To find the strength in people who had never thought about a different way of life
It just doesn't seem that easy

I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home
All I know is gone...

But the storms I've weathered, you know they don't seem to be as bad
If you think there's hope from here and there's a life you should now have
I don't have answers and no questions spring to mind
So here I've ended up now, there's no more signs and the roads are blocked
All night...
It just doesn't seem that easy

one day, one room.

2007-07-07T08:07:00.001+08:00

life is a series of rooms, who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to what our life's are

smother me

2007-07-05T03:43:00.000+08:00

i've finally got my hands on the new The Used albumn ive been waiting for ever for.
it's blowing my mind as much as the first and second one did
ill write a review of Lies For the Lairs soon when i get a few run trough's with it
but in the mean time..

The way I broke your heart very literally
This ghost haunts me more than it should be
I'm not gonna walk away or turn my head in shame
I never thought it could kill me

A clean slate, one more day further away

Just let me make some time to take it back a little
The way you smile shines the heavens above me
Never going to let you go, I want you all the time
I gotta prove you can trust me

I want you, You don't want me
My mistake for wasting yours and mine
I want you but will you stay with me today

I need you, you don't need me
When you are low, I am not okay
I want you but will you stay with me today?
words by- The Used

trying

2007-06-26T14:33:00.000+08:00

Could you let down your hair
And be transparent for a while
Just a little while
See if your human after all
Honesty is a hard attribute to find
When we all want to seem like we've got it all figured out
I may be the first to say that I don't have a clue
I don't have all the answers
And god I pretend like I do just
Trying to find my way
Trying to find my way the best that I know how

Well I haven't memorized all the cute things to say
But I'm working on it
Maybe I'll master this art for today
If I qoute all the line off the top of my head
Would you belive I fully understand all of these things Ive read
Im just trying to find my way
Trying to find my way
Trying to find my way the best that I know how

Well I havent got it all figured out quite yet
But even if it takes my whole life
To get to where I need to be
And if I should fall to the bottom of the end
I'll be one step back to you
I'm trying to find my way
Trying to find my way
Oh, I'm trying to find my way
Trying to find my way
-words by Lifehouse

glow

2007-06-24T19:54:00.001+08:00

I've not found a reason to be happy or to smile now for a while, life's more or less a drag really.
But, every once in a while life throws you something to at least cheer you up for a bit =].
Here's a bundle of things Ive got by Alex Pardee.

Beautifully thrown together =]

The Ugliest Fairy, originally called My Book Of Poem's is the cutest lil book of 13 black and white pages filled with poems,telling the story of The Ugliest Fairy true to Alex Pardee's style, it's twisted, dark, random and amazingly funny. Thanks to Long for bringing this back from Us for me. =]

Ojo! =] . Beautifully illustrated black and white graphic novel about a little girl and her pets. Such a lovely book that's so amazingly original. I'm sorry Chris that I've never really told you how much I appreciate you getting this book for me, I know you went to great lenghts to get this for me, it means a great deal to me =] i love and adore it so much and it's going to the grave with me =B . Thanks for being the biggest sweetie for getting me the most thoughtful gift ever! mwah.

Harm Key chain. Its doesn't work as a key chain any more thought =( . But it's still cute as shit ain't it. =] it now sits on table watching over all my pens and pencils and stands guard against any ants that tries to invade my table and stomps on them with his cute lil furry foot till its dead. Thanks Shantee for rescuing this cute lil fella from e-bay =] you're a hero.

Last but not least if you've known me for awhile then you know I've been saying since forever that i want i want i want i want a shirt design by Alex Pardee cause they rock so hard it makes Slipknot look like a kiddie ride on a funfair. I've finally got myself one! sweeeeet. I have one and you don't! no tears please nyeh nyeh =p. Thanks to long again for this one.

Come What(ever)May

2007-06-20T22:08:00.000+08:00

Come What(ever)May, Stone Sour's 2nd album is awesome in every essence of the word. A brilliant record of 12 tracks, with every single track beautifully crafted blend of immense energy and raw emotions.

Come What(ever)May, is very varied through out with hard fast and in your face tracks like 30/30-150 and Reborn, to amazingly slow and sensitive tracks like Through glass and Zzyzx Rd. Its amazing the motions this album goes through, there isn't a lot of bands out there that manages to bring such versatility.

Front man Corey Taylor deserves to be credited for excellent mind blowing vocals. Corey sets the mood from slow soft melodic to full out raged screams and hardly breaks a sweat in between. It's however sad to know that original Stone Sour's drummer Joel Ekman left the band on this 2nd albumn due to the fact his son suffered from brain cancer, which later succumbed to it and passed away.

Corey Taylor more widely known for his eccentric, wild image as Hardcore nu metal band Slipknot's front man proves beyond a shadow of a doubt he can not only scream like a mad freak but can sing so well it baffles me why he never did during his time in slipknot. He also show's with stone sour that he's not a raving lunatic thats obsessed with violence and destruction like many come to believe, songs like Through Glass, Sillyworld and Zzyzx Rd shows Corey is just human and writes songs about love, life and pain as well.

Tracks to download are, Through glass and Reborn. 2 songs that shows how Corey and Stone Sour is able to bring so much variety in their sound from melodic acoustic sounds to heavy high tempo almost mercurial sounds, there's a track for every mood in here, if you're sad, mad , happy , depressed you'd still find something for the moment either to Corey's explosive screams or just his slow soothing singing . If u find a liking to this 2 tracks then go get the album, the rest of the tracks won't let you down.

=B

2007-06-20T02:37:00.000+08:00

yes how can I help you?
yeah, i was wondering if i wanna trade this phone in how much is the value?
let me see? (flips flips buka buka operate checks memory card and what not)
no more warranty rite?
err, dont think so
i think the most i can give you for this is 400.
Owh. okay. thanks.

i wish.

2007-06-19T02:24:00.000+08:00

i wish i know the answers to all my questions.
i wish i'd stop being such a slacker.
i wish i'd find the motivation, to jump out of bed in the morning.
i wish i could go to the apple store and change the hand phone i found for an ipod
i wish i'd stop staring at the blank walls for no particular reason.
i wish i had a puppy Jack Russell in my room that i'd call Lego, and i'd teach it to reply my msges on Msn when i'm not home.
i wish i could turn back the hands of time
i wish they'd stop making stupid superhero movies like fantastic four and spider-man that just disappoints the comic book fans.
i wish to find a reason for smiling.
i wish to be cured of my flu that i've had since forever
i wish someone'd understand.
i wish i can fall apart into a million pieces, and know someone's there to pick me up and put me together again
i wish i had the courage to question what tomorrow will bring
i wish it wasnt so hard to look into the mirror everyday.
i wish too much.

consequence

2007-06-18T05:44:00.000+08:00

there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming, confusing, this lack of self control i fear is never ending
controlling, i can't seem to find myself again, my walls are closing in
doubt the sense of confidence I'm convince that it's just too much pressure to take
i felt this way before so insecure!
discomfort endlessly has pull itself upon me
distracting, reacting, against my will i stand beside my own reflection
its haunting how i cant seem to find myself again.
crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real?
-words by Linkin Park

this is why i loved linkinpark. i relate to this so much now.

table no.7

2007-06-18T01:06:00.000+08:00

Zaharin called. I went out. We arrived at ac. He wanted to play pool. We went up. Took table number 7. I walked over to break. I noticed a phone on the floor. I picked it up and looked around, a Nokia 3G phone. No one around. Kept it in my pocket and played pool. The phone is on my table now. Lucky number slevin i guess.

We all have a sickness
that cleverly attaches & multiplies
No matter how we try.
We all have someone that digs at us,
at least we dig each other.
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you’ll act as a clever medicine.
If I turn into another
dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we’ll always have each other
when everything else is gone.
-words by Incubus

are you afraid of ghosts?

2007-06-17T00:13:00.000+08:00

I lay in bed, in the stillness of the night I stare at the ceiling like I've always done a million and twenty five thousand times before, I notice the sound that the blades of the fan makes as it rotates cycle after cycle endlessly, if you stare at it long enough the blades seem to defy psychics and slows down, and for that short moment you feel like a child again, fascinated by something new and foreign that you can't seem to understand, so you unknowingly smiles alone in your room with playful dancing shadows of spinning blades for company

Slowly but surely little voices emerges from the back of my head, then a surging mix of images and words floods the cool night air, I close my eyes to try push it back, it doesn't seem to help much though, with eyes closed I can still clearly see darting images , but nothing clear, nothing static, it's like watching a movie with a broken projector that is always out of focus and there is a different scene on every panel of the film, but every darting image is alarmingly familiar, so I'm sent tumbling through a turbulence of emotions, at this point I've lost awareness to my state of consciousness.

Then through the voices in my head I heard a scratching sound at my door, then all at once my thoughts left me. I contemplated opening my eyes, then I did, I notice the soft glow coming from my window, then the silence of the night hits me, it's so quiet, I listen to the sound of rustling papers on the floor,the low humming of my laptop on the table, the tappings of dripping water, maybe from an old rusted air con outside, then the sound of tires running against asphalt at a distance approaching, a bright light shines through my window, i watched as it traveled from one to the other end of my room, and then it's gone as abruptly as it came. Then it came to me that I've been able to explain all the sounds i herd but for the first one. Who or what was scratching at my door? I regretted asking that question the moment I did, as my heart rate escalated.

I can hear my heart beating in my ears, i draw in the night air in effort to slow it down, to no avail my imagination took over and manifested on itself, i begin to wonder, what if? What if there is some one on the other side of my window, maybe a little girl that never stops smiling, never, and the only thing between me and her is a pane of glass and a plain sheet of cloth.Then i started to play a game of 10 questions with myself.

But, I don't believe in ghosts.
Since when? You used to be terrified of them back then, so much so you leave the lights on when you sleep.
Since the day i convinced myself they can't exist.
How can you be sure?
Hmm, I'm not.
Doesn't it scare you to know that you might be wrong?
Now that you've mentioned, no I can't say that it does.
Why not?
I can't say, I find it hard to believe in things i can't see and can't be proven.
You can't see air, but you know it's there, you can't see love but you know it exist?
Okay, getting carried away here won't you agree?
Hey, i ask the questions plus you cant answer a question with another question,on top of that did you realize you just asked yourself for an agreement?

I think I'm losing my mind.

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
but No one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
-words by Stone Sour

simple things

2007-06-15T21:29:00.001+08:00

So after days without the Internet I'm back, it's in this time I've learn to realize how we often times take simple things like these for granted, being off the Internet for just a few days felt like crap, felt like a week instead of just a few days, every time i think of something i wanna do i realize i need the damn Internet to do it, damn it's frustrating like ants crawling over your face when you're trying to sleep.

I remember, I used to pay a lot of attention to the finer details in life, wonder where has that boy gone,I used to take notice of all the little things in life that makes me smile and I'd savour it, like the smell of coffee in the morning, or the warmth of the water from the shower head running down my spine as I lose my way with thoughts of yesterday's feelings and tomorrow's bringings as the rest of the world for that brief moment dissolves away down the drain. Have you ever felt, empty, like there is a void inside of you , like something is missing but you cant figure out what, chances are its a simple thing in life you've taken for granted and maybe even forgotten about.

So much has been taken for granted, i cant begin to understand how I've come to develop this negligence. My biggest crime would probably be the fact that I've taken so much time for granted. I hate being inactive and idle, I often get preoccupied with heavy thoughts that shackles me and pull me deep into darker areas of my brains that I've often shy away from and i drown to the sound of regrets and choke on emotions I thought I've buried but know deep inside surely it'd have to surface time and time again and dread it when it does, all these while i lie in bed to the flurry of heavy guitar distortion, echoing screams and rapid drum beats , or maybe that's my heart pounding they seem hard to tell apart sometimes,why do I spend endless hours lying awake asking questions I can never find the answers to by myself, just to finally submit to slumber and wake up the next day none the wiser, with just as many questions unanswered.

I feel like i can relate to this painting now, i don't know why cause it doesn't make much sense to me either, maybe its just the way how the guy is in a hellishly gloomy place that i relate to my room and seem to be detached to everything around him. Or i just feel spineless lately.

"Lost again"
"Broken and weary "
"Unable to find my way"
"Tail in hand"
"Dizzy and clearly unable to"
"Just let this go"

"I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown"
"Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun"
"I choose to live"
-words by A Perfect Circle