i really..

i really cant find it in me to go to sleep tonight and wait for tomorrow
because i really am scared of what tomorrow might bring
not that i can really escape tomorrow either way, but still
i really don't know what's wrong with me
or maybe i do but i just can't seem to find it in me to fix it
how is it, you know what you know what you want to do
you know what you need to do
yet you can't do it?
it's really taking longer then i expected to find the answer to that question
i take too much for granted , i take too little into account
but these are the things i already know
i don't have enough motivation i'd say to myself sometimes
but do you really need more motivation then just the FUCKIN REST OF YOUR LIFE on the line, honestly really
"these are the times of your life" they say
it's been nothing be a mix of sleepless night for both all the right and wrong reasons
a cocktail of caffeinated blood, a splash of remorse , a drop of highs and a dash of lows laced with a with a bittersweet after taste of nothingness.
all severely shaken not stirred.
"it's the time of self discovery" they say
well i think discover i did
and i'm sorry to say i'm non too pleased with him
so , change change change.
change is much easier said then done
change is tiresome change is a bitch change is draining change is a boxing match with no referees and no bells
if you've been someone for all your life it really takes more then a thought to change
i want i should i would
if only i did.
old habits die hard, no
old habits die very fucking hard.
can you help me i'm bent i'm so scared that i'll never get put back together
i always start the same way "i'll do better this time"
my life has been just a series's of i'll do better this time
you'd argue who's isn't?
"owh come on you're being too hard on yourself"
no i'm not and i've never been nearly hard enough on myself
cause the only person and can really fix you is you
and if you cant help you, then who can?
why am i so good at asking questions and never answering them
identifying problems never fixing them
i think i just dont want to end this cause i know
i know once i do i'll have to submit to the fact that tomorrow has really become today.